Fox Sports Net Sucks!!!

S-U-C-K-S.

In all caps.

There are many reasons why FSN completely sucks, not the least of which is their stranglehold on our sports viewing. Yes, we all know that Fox owns DirecTv & we all know that they want you to buy their subscription sports packages.

Sure, they make a lot of money by withholding sporting events from the majority of viewers, thereby blackmailing the die-hard fans into these stupid, expensive packages.

But allowing us to occasionally view non-local teams surely won't destroy their monopoly. Many people enjoy thoroughly enjoy sports but simply can't afford to spend hundreds of dollars per year for access to the forbidden golden channels.

The extortion & holding out is bad enough but the indiscriminate dismissal of sports voices can't be overlooked. Isn't it bad enough that the Penguins are a horrible team that can barely generate interest? Taking away Mike Lange is a nail in the coffin of Pittsburgh hockey. There are certainly lukewarm viewers that won't tune in to the next disappointing season if it's not narrated by Mike.

Sure, the Pens can put him on the radio but if they pull the same slimy crap that CBS pulls during Steeler games, it will still cost the team fans. In case there's anyone out there who doesn't follow the NFL (although I believe that all 3 of my readers do), CBS delays video a few seconds to ensure that fans who mute their awful sportscasters & tune in to local radio broadcasts hear what happens well before they see it.

Now, CBS has some of the worst announcers in sportscasting history but if you want to watch your team play, you have to put up with the blathering of their nonsensical morons. This is in complete violation of the terms of their broadcasting contract with the NFL & they are ocassionally fined for it, yet they do it every game without fail.

I guess money is the only thing that matters to the media. They'll make theirs at any price, even if it means putting their bread & butter out of business. It's greed & sleaziness like this that make it hard not to hate the human race.

Warped, at Best

In case anyone wonders how I got to be so warped, here's a little background. I grew up in a loving but misguided family. In most ways, my parents provided all the neccessities for us to grow up & become productive members of society. There was just one shortcoming in our childhoods & I plan to showcase it here.

We lived in a quaint city neighborhood where my parents had been raised & everyone attended the local Catholic school. When mom & dad were kids, that was all well & good but by my time, the church school left a lot to be desired.

The first few years were fine but then things became somewhat questionable. By the time I was in the 4th grade, I knew I was in trouble. My teacher that year (we'll call her Linda K.) wasn't as smart as most of the children she was supposed to be teaching.

In particular she was critical of an essay I'd written, lecturing me at great length that there's no such word as "soam-ee-own". Concerned with retribution, I didn't bother to point out that the word was "someone". But I think she resented my tact even more because she was always really snotty after that . . .

By 5th grade, most of the real teachers had left to work at real schools so things just got worse. Important subjects like science were only taught on monday, wednesday & friday but nobody seemed to think it was a big deal. Art was a "treat" reserved for holidays & was generally just an hour of lame crafts.

Music was no longer on the horizon. After an unsuccessful attempt to bring all students K-8 into the cafeteria & teach us all to play the recorder, we just never spoke of it again. (To this day, I'm not sure if that's really an instrument per se or if it's more on par with the kazoo & those little whistles that sound like a dentists' drill.)

Phys Ed was also a "treat" & was denied to those who had broken any rules, as detention of some sort would require the inept administration to stay in the building after classes ended.

We had English "teachers" who said things like, "I don't want to hear none of that 'I ain't got my homework' crap," and made gratuitous use of the double negative.

While the rest of the world delights in watching The Simpsons, I shudder at times when Springfield Elementary's administrative failures hit just a little too close to home.

There's much more to come & it's even better than this. I swear I'm not making any of this up. It was an actual school & people paid good money to send their children to it! I have friends that attended other Catholic schools in the area, but mine seems to have been unique in so many ways, I can't even begin to list them all.

Eaten Alive

It was bad enough when karma just bit me on the ass but now it's kind of devouring me. There seems to be a wave of bad luck washing over those around me as well.

One of my brothers recently hit a "racoon" which somehow left no marks on the vehicle but caused over $2000 worth of damage to special parts of the undercarriage. Unfortunately for him, he was driving my dad's car which is only a few months old & costs more than my bro will earn this year. So now I'm worried I'll be short one little brother, very soon.

Yesterday a vile, smelly woman speeding through the construction zone & attempting to cut off the real traffic by flying through the closed lane t-boned Mr. Steph.

It wasn't that bad of a hit except that she hit his truck in the exact same spot that the stupid cell-phone yapping stop-sign running bitch from Ass-hio hit it. Be still my weary heart lest this be curtains for The Onyx (our beloved truck).

Luckily, he has good insurance coverage because Smelly gave a fake phone number. I wasn't there but based on his description of the incident & the woman, my first thought was "crack whore in a stolen car" but what do I know?

By the way, it happened in Shaler, where the cops refuse to come take a report unless someone needs an ambulance or a tow truck. I find this ridiculous because they have a huge police force yet you rarely see them driving around so what are they doing instead of patrolling or reporting traffic incidents?

They're not preventing crime, according to friends that live in the Shaler Highlands apartment complex. Residents there claim a constant parade of degenerates through the complex, leaving behind such niceties as used condoms, beer cans & hypodermic needles.

So if the police don't patrol, don't take accident reports in high-traffic congested areas & don't prevent crime, what do they do? Just curious, so if anyone knows . . .

To top it all off, we aren't going to start dissecting cats in A&P this week! For the love of God, I've been taking A&P since January & have not yet touched an organ. WTF? Instead of cutting stuff up in our "labs" he just lectures.

Shockingly, no one is actually learning anything about anatomy or physiology by simply hearing someone drone on about it. Students have even offered to supply the cats if that's the problem, as we already skipped a pig heart dissection due to lack of scalpals. It sucks.

Mom has talked me into going to see a psychic tomorrow. I think it'll be cheesy but entertaining. I plan to amuse myself by reading her & trying to determine what clues of mine she picks up on & manipulates. Yes, I'm a stone cold cynic & no I don't expect this to be in any way useful. But I think it will be neat.

Although the way this week is going, she'll probably tell me that I'm dying or something . . .

Karma Bites Me on the Ass

Have you ever had one of those moments that's just mortifyingly humiliating?

This morning I walked out of the gas station & was crossing the parking lot to my car. They just put tar over one of the handicapped spots & painted new lines & symbols on it & it must have been slippery in the rain.

I went down like a ton of bricks!! Scraped both knees, right elbow & shoulder & my left hand. Bleeding in 3 places & extraordinarily embarassed. There must have been 50 people in the lot & sitting in traffic at the light in front of the gas station.

I could actually SEE the people in the cars people laughing at me!

But the best part is that when I got back in my car & started to drive to work, something hit my leg . . . I must have fallen on my keys & bent one . . . the key to my office broke off! (It's not like I'm a 400 pound gorilla or anything, the key was already bent & cracked from a previous incident, ok?)

Luckily for me, we rent our office & the landlord has a business next door or I would have really been screwed because my boss is off today!!!

Hopefully, this is not indicative of what my week will be like. It begs the question: Is karma perhaps punishing me for using my blog for evil instead of good? Just in case, I'm only going to post nice things this week & won't make fun of anyone for a whole week. Not ex BF's, crappy neigboring states, our newly drafted future O.J. (Santonio Holmes) or even the jerk that killed the first known grizzly/polar bear mix. Starting now.

More Dating Horror Stories

I guess I've blocked most of these out of my consciousness but then something comes along to jar them back into memory. Let's just say that a recent discussion led me to a "Eureka!" moment of horrible dating memories. I'm not sure how I could have possibly neglected to mention this one before . . .

By now you're all familiar with the BF from hell in my past (herein referred to as "Jackass" to protect me from further shame & embarassment.) When we were together & even in the broken up but friends stage, he was the cheapest person in the entire world.

He wouldn't spend a nickel unless it was on a necessity. Mucho cheapo, can't stress that enough. Quite antisocial as well, never wanted to go anywhere or do anything, just one of those bores that's completely disinterested in life & living.

After our break up, he just seemed to "be" wherever I was at all times. Johnny Hermit was suddenly everywhere that I went, no matter how many times he had scoffed at this club for not being "cool" enough for him, that bar being too trendy, that band's cover charge was always too high, etc.

Mr. Steph & I had just began seeing each other & I took him to a club to see a fantastic band that rarely ventures into this part of the country. It's a small club & we were late, arriving after the opening act had already taken the stage. It was standing room only & we just couldn't find a place to stand without being in the way of everything (the route to the bathrooms, the servers, everything!)

The manager of the club was walking around, shifting people & chairs & trying to find somewhere to put everyone. He approached us & said he had seats for us. He led us to a large table with a group of people that included Jackass!

My shock, horror & disgust were indescribable. The Mr. was a good sport about the whole thing but later confided that after seeing Jackass up close & personal for an entire evening, he was kind of disgusted by the fact that I had ever sunk so low on the dating chain. Frankly, I've always been ashamed of that relationship so I didn't even get mad at him.

So if anyone can top "I took my new guy on a date to a crowded club & had to sit next to my gross ex all night or miss a fantastic band that hasn't been back to Pittsburgh in over 5 years," please share it with me, I would LOVE to hear it!

Burning Rivers Halt Neurological Development

Wow, I'm not even trying but it's impossible to read the news without finding yet another reason to hate Ohio. I swear, I wasn't even looking for one! My existing ones are plenty . . .

Bengals & Browns fans are reveling in our QB's injuries, big deal. I'm not surprised nor does it bother me. I expect as much from these kinds of people, especially in Cleveland because it's not as though their own sports teams are anything worth discussing.

What irritates me are the proliferation of comments about Ben's loss of teeth & the large numbers of Ass-hions who believe that will allow him to fit right in here in Pittsburgh. What the hell do my teeth have to do with some idiot Browns fan (oh sorry, that was redundant)?

Lest they forget, I'll take this opportunity to remind them that a few years ago, they came here in droves to be baptized in Iron City by our tailgaters. So watching a football team -- any team -- is far more important than the pride, integrity or loyalty, of which they have none.

There's an interesting article in today's PG discussing this phenomenon with a local psychologist who confirms what I've always suspected: people who act like that have underdeveloped brains. Can't say I'm surprised. He unequivocally states that they are not normal. No surprise there.

Reveling in the misfortune of others - free.

Forcing the state to bury your deceased family members so you can spend the insurance money on yourself - extremely lucrative.

Being called out in a national paper by a psychologist as having malformed brains - priceless.

Another Reason to Hate Ohio

With the exception of the NFL Hall of Fame, Ohio offers very little that interests me. I've always been indifferent to it but a series of events over the last few years have changed me. Now I hate Ohio or Ass-hio, as I like to call it.

Driving along a fairly busy 2-lane road in the middle of nowhere, some idiot on a cell phone ran a stop sign & t-boned us. She admitted fault to an extent but also claimed to have not been on the phone -- after she proceeded to hang up her first call, then call her husband & tell him to call their neighbor, the state trooper!

Luckily for us, the cops could see exactly what had happened since not one ignorant Ass-hioan bothered to stop, help or give a witness statement. Interestly, the idiot's husband tried to get the police to ticket Mr. Steph for using profanities in front of his inbred-looking children. (And what a string of profanities it was!)

The troopers responded by telling Mr. Idiot that if we'd been in a car instead of a truck, his wife would likely be being arrested for killing the passenger & critically injuring the driver so he'd best shut up. The impact had pulled a brand-new BF Goodrich tire off of the rim but AAA of Ohio wouldn't put it back on for us unless we paid $100, so we had to put the spare on ourselves. All in all, the truck came within $1000 of being totaled & has never been the same since.

A couple of years later, I got a speeding ticket on the way to Cleveland. I was already pissed that I even had to go to Cleveland because it's just plain wrong that Pittsburgh has no clubs & good bands rarely come to town. The ticket in itself wasn't the issue because I do have a lead foot.

The issue was the trooper. He pulled over only out-of-state plates even though other cars were flying. I was doing maybe 70 in a 65 but he tried to say I was doing 86. I wasn't. The ticket had been written for someone else & he just scratched out their plate number & wrote in mine. Oh & the ticket had been written approximately an hour before I even entered their state.

But the best part was he didn't speak very good english. Now, if you have the power to stop me, shoot at me, cuff me & drag my ass to jail, I have the right to know WTF you're accusing me of. Or at least I thought I did but I guess I don't have that right in Ass-hio.

I wanted to contest the ticket on the grounds that I wasn't in their state at the time of supposed violation but you have to attend a hearing just to plead not guilty & then return for the actual hearing. Minor traffic violations are prosecuted by DA's so you're unlikely to win unless you have an attorney & if you lose you pay the fine plus a fee for the officer's time & the DA's time.

Suffice to say the $80 ticket wasn't worth 2 more trips to the Crap State & I've managed to avoid it since then. Consindering the fact that creepy ex BF who liked underage trannies was an Ass-hio native & you can see why this trifecta of suck has turned me against the entire state.

But in case I need a reminder of why Ass-hio blows more than any other state in the nation, the Trib has an interesting story in today's edition. Turns out they have huge problems across the state with people refusing to claim the bodies of dead family members. Although in some cases the families are just too poor to bury the body, in many cases the people are just complete jerks.

Most give reasons such as they didn't like the person but in some cases, the beneficiaries of the estate would simply rather spend the money on themselves. Good old Ass-hio.

Lightning Bugs

Dear Steph: Why do lightning bugs light up? Thanks, Jerry

Good question, Jerry. The flashes are the way that they mate. Males fly around flashing all the time while the women just sort of hang out until they feel like gettin' it on. When she's in the mood, she responds to a nearby male with her own signal.

The flashing itself is caused by bioluminescence which means that a chemical reaction in their bodies causes the light. There are many species of lb's & each one has it's own "code" for flashing to ensure that they only mate within their species.

Good thing humans don't mate like this 'cause I know some ho's whose asses would spontaneously combust!

Fun Things To Do

As part of my lifelong effort to rescue the world from boredom, I like to throw out handy tidbits now & then. Let me know if you take the advice & if so, how much you enjoy yourself.

When you're sitting in traffic, find a nearby car with a small child or children in it. Make faces at them & enjoy their reaction. Stick out your tongue, cross your eyes, make antlers with your fingers, you get the idea.

Older kids will usually play along but the really little ones get very angry & that's even more fun.

Horrible Jobs

In the spirit of warning you all about horrible places to work, I'm going to include this lovely tidbit about a job I held years ago.

While the company itself was completely awful, I had some great coworkers, many of whom are still friends & one in particular who eventually set me up with the little mister, so it was worth it -- but it cost me. A lot.

The owner of the company was a nice enough guy, but he's one of those serial marriers who was getting hitched to wife number #10 or something. She worked there too & we all knew her.

The little missus had a nasty streak & acted in an extremely unprofessional manner. Thrilled at the prospect of marrying a rich older man & thus sharing his bank account, she made a big production of her lavish spending habits.

Most notably, her nipple implants.

I am not making this up. I blocked out as much of it as possible & found ways to keep busy to avoid general office conversation. But there was always something else & it came to a head the day that they excitedly passed around wedding photos.

No big deal, right? Wrong! It was a naked wedding. Nothing like seeing an alcoholic, tanning bed addicted 60-something year old & his former pudding wrestler, nipple-implanted wife saying their vows in their birthday suits.

If only there were some way to clean my eyes . . .

Makes Dio Seem Like Shakespeare

Many thanks to Michelle for the following post. Check out what she's got to say at Mick's Reality World.

Here's my contribution to your "I Love Rock 'n Roll" post:

My favorite group is Styx. Their music has touched my life in so many ways. One of the most silliest songs of theirs is called "Plexiglas Toilet" from their 1973 album "Serpent Is Rising". My friends and I have so many good memories poking fun at this song! Have fun analyzing this one!!

Plexiglas Toilet

Don't sit on the Plexiglas toilet Said the momma to her son Wipe the butt clean with the paper Make it nice for everyone But don't sit down on the Plexiglas toilet yeah

A boy of 5 stands close to the toilet Holds the lid up with one hand Won't let go the lid for fear that On his banana it will land Don't sit down on the Plexiglas toilet yeah

Boy goes up he eats the enchilada With the sauce that burns the heart Family comes to visit family momma says don't belch and fart

Don't sit on the Plexiglas toilet Said the momma to her son Wipe the butt clean with the paper Make it nice for everyone But don't sit down on the Plexiglas toilet yeah

Everybody Sing!

Worst Job EVER!

I have a friend that has what may possibly be the worst job ever. If I wasn't firsthand witness to some of the happenings I surely would not believe the stories. It makes me think back on my own horrible job experiences. They are legion, although I'm lucky to have a good job now where I don't have to deal with the hell of jobs past.

Isn't it amazing how sometimes you don't even realize that your job sucks & then some tiny little meaningless event removes the veil from your eyes?

There was a time when I was young & foolish & working 60 hrs. a week, salaried for greedy morons. No matter that I never took a lunch, came in early daily or worked many saturdays without compensation, I was always getting crap from somebody when I finally left for the day. As though somehow it was my fault I couldn't live off of their pittance of a "salary" & needed a second job to pay the rent.

For whatever reason, I believed that I had to work my way up & lived with it until one day the owner interrupted me in the middle of a meeting with an IRS auditor (also a red flag). He had misplaced his Diet Pepsi & it was the last cold can. Could I find it?

Suddenly, I could see things I had not seen before & everything became clear.

We've all had jobs from hell I'm sure. Share yours here to exorcise your demons & give us all a laugh. Not that this blog has widespread exposure but people do read it so feel free to couch your story in thinly veiled euphemisms. Perhaps a creepy boss or coworker from the past will read it & see themselves.

I Love Happy Bunny

It's impossible to not like Happy Bunny. The creator, Jim Benton, is a genius.

This adorable little character makes even the most stinging insult socially acceptable to wear on your chest, stick on your ride or hang over your desk.

Who among us hasn't wanted to tell a coworker, "I'll be nicer when you're smarter"? I know I have.

How many times have you fought the urge to tell someone, "I know how you feel. I just don't care."? Well, you no longer have to fight that urge. Now you can give them Happy Bunny.

Present it as an unexpected gift & watch their reaction. If you're the non-confrontational type, anonymously leave it on their desk, vehicle or in the mailbox.

The point is, it gives us all options we've long hoped for. I know Happy Bunny isn't exactly new, but in my opinion he simply doesn't get enough exposure.

And don't try to deny it. I truly believe that, like me, every one of you knows someone who deserves to get Happy Bunny on the toilet saying, "I made a little sculpture of you."

If Dogs Had Newspapers

For reasons I'm at a loss to explain, I've been thinking a lot lately what dog newspapers would have to say. Would they be informative from a dog's point of view?

Breaking news: There's a huge pile of dirt & old leaves in the Wilson's backyard. For those of you who've had baths today, head on over there to dirty up & show your owner who's boss.

Would they be more worldly & intelligent than we give them credit for?

Still, the American president is at a loss to explain his reasoning for keeping our troops in Iraq. Our own political correspondent, Rusty, traveled to the White House this week to ask him some pointed questions.

Would they have columnists that deal with "owner issues" the way we have columns that discuss pet topics? Would they exhalt us or crucify us in the press?

June 4, 2006: Issue One - Opposable Thumbs are Wasted on Humans

As I struggle with this timeless riddle, I hope to bestow some insight unto myself by giving Rocco his own voice. In the interest of important research, I've registered him for his own myspace profile & am keeping a blog of what i think he would want to say to the world.

As you can see, I will do anything to procrastinate from my real responsibilities. But if you too are avoiding some unpleasant task or chore, feel free to waste your time reading it at: http://www.myspace.com/rocco_dogg

It's a Conspiracy

I know this sounds ridiculous, but I truly believe that the people who own all of the radio stations make them suck on purpose. I think they're the same people who own all of the subscription/satellite radio services & they're bent on making "free" radio suckier & suckier until we all break down & subscribe.

What other explanation could there be? There is plenty of music in the world so why do all of the Pittsburgh stations have a 100-song rotation -- and that's the better stations. The choices are lame, dorky, lamer or puncture-my-own-eardrums-to-end-the-suffering. It's torture.

I love all kinds of music, as I'm sure I've mentioned here repeatedly. The closest thing to listenable (is that a word?) is DVE but they frustrate & disapoint me constantly. Each day it gets worse & I'm approaching my breaking point. Yes, there's a disc player in my office but I think it's inappropriate to be changing cd's when my boss or a client walks in, you know?

Afternoon pirates games bring me some salvation but that's it. I can tolerate The X & K-rock only in a vehicle. Basically, they play about 50% good stuff & 50% suckness, so if there's a good song playing right now, the next song will suck enough to require changing of stations. Not to mention that they just copy each other most afternoons. How often do you switch from one to the other only to hear the same crappy song? Most of the time, that's how often.

It's a travesty, in my opinion. WRRK left a lot to be desired but they were still the best option & of course it was ripped away, as all good radio in Pittsburgh eventually is . . .

Oooh, now they're playing "Purple Haze". Haven't heard this since at least this time yesterday. I put on WJAS this morning rather than tolerate an acoustic in-studio performance by someone from the Clarks. They have maybe 1 song in rotation from AIC, Nirvana, Staind, Live, etc. but can fit the crappy Clarks in 3-4 times per day (shudder).

How can DVE ignore all of the good music in the world but play the same Green Day song 3-4 times in a 12 hour period? It's madness. Don't they realize that the Green Day audience is in school right now & probably don't have radios to listen to at recess? They'll beat "Black Betty" into the ground but God forbid they'd actually play a real blues song. Apparently, their entire studio would self-destruct or something.

What really gets me is that they'll promote bands yet not play them. I got to hear an interview with a member of Black Label Society on K-rock the other day (because he grew up in Canonsburg) but they don't have a single BLS song in their rotation. Go figure. They band only has at least 5 albums, a brand new release, packs the house at Ozzfest, kicks ass on club tours & has a huge following amongst headbangers, southern rock fans, guitar worshippers & blues afficianados. Why would any radio station want to appeal to (and appease) a wide variety of die-hard fans? Gee, I can't imagine.

If anyone out there has a pirate signal & plays real rock 'n roll -- i.e., songs written since my birth not just the ones older than me -- please send me your frequency. Please.

More Crazy Dating Stories

Thanks to Heather (I think) for jogging my memory, I realized that indeed I do have another crazy dating story. At one point in my life, I had dated a successive string of losers & decided to take some "me" time, away from the dating scene. It wasn't difficult at all & I was having a blast.

One night, I went out with my best friend & a gay pal of ours. He'd brought a friend to our "girls night out" but the other guy claimed to be queer as a $3 dollar bill so we never questioned it. We had so much fun. My new gay pal was a blast at the bar: He loved Bowie as much as I do & none of the straight guys I knew enjoyed "my" music. We played an entire Bowie album on the jukebox, danced the entire time (this is huge because no one will ever dance with me in public, they all call me Elaine).

We talked about fashion & decided that a makeover for me would be fun. He actually had a color palette in his "bag" & made some adjustments to my preferred eye, lip & cheek hues. We even made some hair decisions. He seemed like an awesome guy & I was glad Mikey had brought him along with us.

But later, we all went back to my house because my roomate was having a little get-together. As the night wore on, people began to leave & crash & as soon as I was alone with my new gay friend, he was all over me! It turns out that he's totally bisexual & had just broken it off with his grilfriend. I was pissed, felt totally deceived & wanted nothing more to do with him. But he just could not understand why I was upset. Nay, he was in complete denial & even stopped by the next morning to say goodbye & try to hug me (he lived about 2 hours away & had been in town for the weekend).

Well, my number was unlisted & I hadn't shared it. I immediately called my friends & told them the whole story so that no one would give him my digits & everyone was cool with that. Yeah, he knew where I lived but he lived outside of Altoona & didn't drive so I wasn't concerned.

Until about a month later when my roomate called me at a friend's house to tell me that Mr. I'm-not-so-gay-after-all had dropped by. Luckily my male roomate didn't let him in & told him to leave me alone. However, it didn't deter creepy bi-guy. He "stopped" by periodically 3 or 4 times over the next few months.

About 2 months went by & he hadn't been skulking around so I thought it was over. But being as I was only 21 & lived in a huge house, my roomie & I often threw awesome parties. The ultimate was my annual Halloween shindig. Costumes were required & things were always very interesting. Sometimes thing came close to getting out of hand, but they never actually did & even the uninvited friend of a friend of a friend always respected the rules & our stuff. Until creepy bi-guy managed to sneak in (in full costume) in a caravan of my roomie's little sister's raver buddies. At first, nobody knew he was there.

Imagine my shock when I walked into my locked bedroom & found him sitting on my bed. "I've been waiting for you all night," he said. I screamed & ran out. Some friends gently but firmly ousted him & we posted sentires at all entrances. At least now we knew what his costume was but I couldn't imagine how he got into my bedroom, since I was wearing the only key around my neck.

Fast forward about 6 hours, as things are finally winding down & the sun is almost up. I'm ready for bed & I walk into my bedroom & creepy bi-guy is passed out on my bed in his underwear! I recruited a group of large male pals to take of the problem but I didn't want to know what happened so I went to pass out at a neighbor's house.

To this day, I don't know what they did to him because I never asked & they never told but I lived there for almost 4 more years & he never returned. Thank God.

American Justice

Years ago, I just happened to catch part of an HBO documentary that affected me in a very big way. Having been involved in Amnesty International, Innocence Projects & similar things growing up, I've always been interested in the justice systems & all of it's triumphs & flaws.

If you've never seen HBO's Paradise Lost:The Child Murders at Robin Hood Hills & it's sequel, make some time to view them. When filmmakers Joe Berlinger & Bruce Sinofsky traveled to West Memphis, Arkansas, they'd planned to document this crime as part of a series on teen murderers. The goal of the project was to make a film investigating the proliferation of violence in our society in the hopes of explaining what causes teens to murder in cold blood.

What they found during the course of their work was that the 3 teens imprisoned for these murders were most likely not the killers. The evidence used to convict these boys was less than circumstantial, it was pure conjecture. Catalogued evidence from the courtroom used in the capital murder trial included Metallica t-shirts & library books on wicca. The filmmakers were so appalled that they completed their initial project immediately in order to focus solely on this case. They have since made a sequel to the original film & are in production of a thrid installment of the saga.

In this small southern town, the inexperienced investigators comprimised the crime scene, lost evidence & ignored potential leads. Based on the hypothesis of a local juvenile officer, the police force decided within minutes of discovering the bodies, that the town was under the influence of satanists & teens practicing satanism were the most likely culprits.

I'm not making this up. Investigators ignored important clues such as: a delusional man covered in blood who had run into a fast food restaurant near the murder site & locked himself in the bathroom; the fact that one of the victims was possibly sexually assaulted & was killed in such a way that usually signifies a parent as killer; the fact that witness testimony was recanted; and the list goes on & on.

The murders themselves are extremely chilling but the gross miscarriage of justice that has stratched for 13 years is more horrifying. It's hard to imagine any person of my generation not getting a chill from this story & thinking of the old adage "There but for the grace of God . . . "

For any armchair student of murder, American culture or crime & justice, the story of the West Memphis 3 is an absolute must. But it's the kind of story that every American should become familiar with, as it illustrates everything that is wrong with our system, as well as showcasing the intricacies of the role of the media in high-profile criminal cases.

Call on your spirit of activism & learn how you can help. June 6 is WM3 Awareness Day & also marks the 13th anniversary of the day the boys were arrested for murders they very likely did not commit. Only 17 & 18 at the time, they have since grown up in prison, one of them on death row.

With the release of the documentary, many concerned citizens from all over the world have become involved in the fight to demand a new trial for the WM3. The conclusive evidence of this case is that, even if these boys are guilty, they shouldn't have been convicted based on what they read & listen to, since the murders themselves were never actually investigated, only potential suspects were.

Many high-profile celebrities have jumped on board this cause but it's been the music world that's given the most to the movement. Supersucker's frontman Eddie Spaghetti, Henry Rollins, the latest incarnation of the Misfits & many others have recorded albums, given concerts & done book tours (of books written by these prisoners). The new Pearl Jam album just released last month features a song cowritten by Eddie Vedder & the guy on death row, Damien Echols.

For more information on this case, visit WM3.org. This is the kind of situation every American should be involved in because it could happen to any one of us.