6/12/2006

Another Reason to Hate Ohio

With the exception of the NFL Hall of Fame, Ohio offers very little that interests me. I've always been indifferent to it but a series of events over the last few years have changed me. Now I hate Ohio or Ass-hio, as I like to call it.

Driving along a fairly busy 2-lane road in the middle of nowhere, some idiot on a cell phone ran a stop sign & t-boned us. She admitted fault to an extent but also claimed to have not been on the phone -- after she proceeded to hang up her first call, then call her husband & tell him to call their neighbor, the state trooper!

Luckily for us, the cops could see exactly what had happened since not one ignorant Ass-hioan bothered to stop, help or give a witness statement. Interestly, the idiot's husband tried to get the police to ticket Mr. Steph for using profanities in front of his inbred-looking children. (And what a string of profanities it was!)

The troopers responded by telling Mr. Idiot that if we'd been in a car instead of a truck, his wife would likely be being arrested for killing the passenger & critically injuring the driver so he'd best shut up. The impact had pulled a brand-new BF Goodrich tire off of the rim but AAA of Ohio wouldn't put it back on for us unless we paid $100, so we had to put the spare on ourselves. All in all, the truck came within $1000 of being totaled & has never been the same since.

A couple of years later, I got a speeding ticket on the way to Cleveland. I was already pissed that I even had to go to Cleveland because it's just plain wrong that Pittsburgh has no clubs & good bands rarely come to town. The ticket in itself wasn't the issue because I do have a lead foot.

The issue was the trooper. He pulled over only out-of-state plates even though other cars were flying. I was doing maybe 70 in a 65 but he tried to say I was doing 86. I wasn't. The ticket had been written for someone else & he just scratched out their plate number & wrote in mine. Oh & the ticket had been written approximately an hour before I even entered their state.

But the best part was he didn't speak very good english. Now, if you have the power to stop me, shoot at me, cuff me & drag my ass to jail, I have the right to know WTF you're accusing me of. Or at least I thought I did but I guess I don't have that right in Ass-hio.

I wanted to contest the ticket on the grounds that I wasn't in their state at the time of supposed violation but you have to attend a hearing just to plead not guilty & then return for the actual hearing. Minor traffic violations are prosecuted by DA's so you're unlikely to win unless you have an attorney & if you lose you pay the fine plus a fee for the officer's time & the DA's time.

Suffice to say the $80 ticket wasn't worth 2 more trips to the Crap State & I've managed to avoid it since then. Consindering the fact that creepy ex BF who liked underage trannies was an Ass-hio native & you can see why this trifecta of suck has turned me against the entire state.

But in case I need a reminder of why Ass-hio blows more than any other state in the nation, the Trib has an interesting story in today's edition. Turns out they have huge problems across the state with people refusing to claim the bodies of dead family members. Although in some cases the families are just too poor to bury the body, in many cases the people are just complete jerks.

Most give reasons such as they didn't like the person but in some cases, the beneficiaries of the estate would simply rather spend the money on themselves. Good old Ass-hio.

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