Jerk Report

Far be it from me to judge others but -- who am I kidding? It's one of the things I do best. I myself am surely not above reproach & have at times displayed jerk-like characteristics of my own.

As such, I'm perfectly at ease with others pointing out my shortcomings. Hey, everyone needs some constructive criticism at times. (Although I will say that occasionally those closest to me do get a bit carried away when I open up this dialogue, ahem, Mr. Steph).

But there's an overwhelming presence of jackasses int he world & I feel it's my duty to call them out on it. This may become a regular weekly post, there's such a rich supply of material.


Sienna Miller - Not really a jerk

Now, before I'm accused of Pittsburgh-bashing, hear me out. There's a lot to do here but we're not a real in-your-face kind of place. Shallow people, people who aren't very smart & just plain old boring folks will not find the treasures of our fair city.

Don't hate her, pity her. I can find a good time anywhere you stick me. I've had a great night in Wellsboro, people. All it takes to enjoy yourself in a strange town is half a brain & the will to have fun. If you've got those two things, you'll have a blast. If you don't, you'll be bored for the rest of your life. And when you're not bored, you're probably doing something lame but think it's cool, which is pitiful.


Luke Ravenstahl - Not a jerk

Stop being angry at the mayor for his response to Sienna Miller, people. What was he supposed to say to her? "Sorry you're not finding enough to do here, ma'am. Maybe you need a handler to accompany you. I'm sure we could find you a nanny." Or maybe, "Gee, who do you think Jude's with while your here?"

Cut him a break. He handled it with class & didn't sink to her level. Which says a lot because her apology was worse than her original disparaging remarks, in my opinion.


Ben Roethlisberger - Dancing on the jerk line, but hasn't crossied it -- yet

He didn't have a sophmore slump, so if he has a junior slump, we really shouldn't whine. He played two phenonmenal seasons & was instrumental in our Super Bowl win.

The reason Big Ben is in precarious territory isn't his less than stellar performance on the field. Let's face it, the guy has looked death in the eye twice in the last six months so he does deserve a break.

The problem with Ben is that he's always hurt after a loss. He always limps off the field or pulls in his throwing arm or holds a sore finger . . . You get the idea.

Just admit that you had a bad game & figure out how to do better next time. Spend less time making excuses (or being a hypochondriac) and more time improving your play.


People who want to decriminalize child pornography - Jerk is way too mild

A local woman was recently arrested for running a child porn website. Her site was different from traditional sites in that there weren't any pictures on it. She composed stories about raping, torturing & murdering children. And perverts paid to read them.

In today's PG, there's a letter to the editor decrying the arrest. The writer contends that this is somehow not child porn.

Just because it lacks photographs does not make it ok, mister. I mean, even Sienna Miller could probably figure out that it's porn. If pictures are porn but words aren't, why isn't Penthouse Letters just lying around on every reception area coffee table next to Newsweek?

What's really disturbing about this letter is that he attacks the Mary Beth Buchanon for prosecuting the case. He charges that she's wrongfully imposing her morals on society & abusing her power by arresting those who don't subscribe to the same.

It sounds to me like this guys may just be a disgruntled client. If he was truly a zealous civil libertarian, he'd spend his energy fighting any number of misguided government attempts to criminalize perfectly legal acts* instead of publicly haranguing law-enforcement officials for doing their jobs.

*the Patriot Act, our current Big Brother-esque administration, the local smoking bill, the federal bill against online poker, etc.


The not-handicapped-enough - Not jerks at all

Another gem in today's letter to the editor is a diatribe complaining that some people parking in handicapped parking spaces simply aren't handicapped enough. If you can make it past the crazy pro-kiddy porn letter, you'll find this skillfully crafted work of enlightenment down at the bottom of the page.

So what exactly makes you qualified to determine whether or not a person is handicapped enough to deserve a placard? The writer seems to feel that since she's handicapped, she's the best judge. I disagree completely. A medical doctor has decided that a person requires a placard so your opinion kind of leaves something to be desired.

To be fair, I have heard that there's abuse in the handicapped-parking placard system. Shame on the lazy people who aren't actually handicapped but get a tag.

But she's approaching this all wrong. If abuse of the system is rampant, let's tighten up the criteria. How about lobbying for more spaces in every lot to serve a larger population of disabled consumers? That would be fair to everyone.

But fairness is not her goal. She prefers to get what she wants by shafting others, simply because their disability is not as blatantly obvious as her own. She feels that only people who require devices such as scooters or oxygen tanks should be allowed to have them. Apparently, medical doctors & disabled-rights organizations across the nation disagree.

You can be disabled without requiring a scooter. For that matter, I've heard of lazy people with no physical handicap using scooters. The disabled person with no scooter deserves a better parking space than the person with the scooter, in my mind.

She closes dramatically by stating that she'd gladly give up her handicapped-parking space to anyone that will take her disability, too. I can empathize with her frustration but her ignorance is astonishing.

Maybe that person she's staring down is more handicapped than she, but too proud to use a device. Maybe they're too poor to afford their device, on a waiting list for one or disabled in some way that a device can't help.

Or maybe they're at the mall to buy one, you self-centered harpy.