8/21/2006

Response to Formerly Enlightened

{Response to a comment from the previous post}

While I feel your pain for having been treated badly by your ex, you need to understand that it has absolutely nothing to do with feminism. In no way does feminism advocate treating others badly, ruining your husband's life or doing awful things to anyone (including men in general).

It does not encourage drug abuse, abortion as birth control, swinging, BDSM (or any particular lifestyle, for that matter). Nor does feminism devalue or reject family values of any kind.

The fact that your ex-wife sounds like a bitch with questionable morals has nothing to do with feminism. There are plenty of rotten people in the world & lots of them are men. Plenty of awful people are stringently anti-feminist but are still worthless human specimens.

I know plenty of men who have done much worse things to people than what your ex has done to you but I don't advocate hating all men because of these few jerks. If I did, that would seem pretty foolish, wouldn't it?

Should rape victims hate men & be anti-man? I mean, these guys do horrible things to women so by your logic, every female crime victim should become "unenlightened" after being victimized. Should women with crappy exes hate all men? Most violent criminals, rapists & serial killers are men. Should society be "anti-man" because of the awful things men do?

Of course not! So why would you be anti-feminist just because your had a bad experience & blame the woman?

The point I'm trying to make is that women & men of all ideological beliefs act like assholes & being a feminist has nothing to do with it.

Some of the kindest, warmest, most gentlemanly fellows I have known in my life were complete chauvenists, as well. Being scum & supporting gender-equality are completely unrelated.

Your first error is linking the two when there is in fact no link. Your "reasons" for being anti-feminist have no rational basis. Your second error is claiming to have been enlightened at some point & then having regressed because of your ex.

Not possible. If you're enlightened, you don't just regress to unenlightenment. A truly enlightened man would recognize that his ex is an awful person & that her gender has nothing to do with it.

Also, you shouldn't judge all women based on one woman (your ex). Intelligent women would be extremely offended to be lumped into the same category as this skanky shrew merely because of a lack of penis.

From your remarks, I don't think you were ever truly "enlightened". Maybe that's why you hooked up with a bad specimen in the first place. Men who respect women attract women worthy of respect.

That said, here's some advice:

If you pay child support, you're entitled to visitation & parenting time with your children. The fact that your kids sound really messed up would weigh heavily in your favor in any court -- obviously, their mother isn't doing much good raising them so mandatory time with dad is warranted.

Second, you have to try to get over your anger at her. If she's as awful as you say she is, then stop wasting your energy on her in any way. Hating someone takes a lot more out of you than not letting them get to you. You can't just forget & cut all ties because of the kids but you can stop letting her get to you.

It's easier said than done & you can't change your feelings overnight. It will take a lot of effort in the beginning. But once you do it, it will be well worth it. It'll save you a lot of energy & heartache in the long run.

If you refuse to get over it & choose to wallow in misery, blaming other people for the way your life turned out, then you have to be prepared to realize that maybe she wasn't the problem.

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