MySpace Blows

One of my best friends moved to LA recently & decided to put a profile on MySpace because she hasn't had a lot of opportunities to meet cool people. I thought that my space was a children's site but what do I know?

Well, Lisa wants me to sign up as one of her friends & no matter what I do, MySpace will not let me register. I know it's not me, their site just sucks. I'm no techno-wizard but I can manage a halfway decent blog & I used to have a very cool website so I'm completely capable of registering myself for MySpace. (or not, because I'm still not registered. Who am I kidding?)

In fact, my tech skills are nothing to scoff at: I once helped a freind create elaborate profiles on a few personals sites in order for her to trap & humiliate her sleazy cheating husband. By the way, it worked really well & when it was over, I almost felt sorry for the guy she got him so good. But I didn't because cheating is a huge no-no in my book.

If you want to play the field & get around, just break it off with your significant other. Cheating is selfish at the least because obviously you know you have a good thing or else you'd dump him/her before stepping out, right?

What are the other possible motivations? You're a dog & don't care if you spread disease. Honesty & integrity are meaningless to you. Your tiny ego is so small that you simply have to manufacture ways to inflate it. Or, worst of all, you get off on making fools out of people that trust in you.

There are no good points to it. What's brought this on, you may wonder? No, it's not anything Mr. Steph did (because he knows his life would be worthless if he crossed me, [maniacal, mad-scientists-type laugh]) These thoughts are courtesy of a recent bitch-fest among a group of pals. It began with one of us running in to an ex last week.

Aaaahhh, good old ex-bashing. I was always one of those people who remained friendly with my exes & couldn't imagine bad-mouthing any of those guys for any reason.

Until I dated a world-class prick, then suddenly I developed the habit of wanting to punch anyone that said anything nice about him. I'm not normally a violent person, but the mere thought of this guy brings about the worst in me.

Jackass (names have been changed to prevent me from experiencing further shame) was quite possibly the most narcissistic person in the world. He was convinced that every woman wanted him & every man wanted to be him. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Among his other lame qualities, he had a band & made it his life's mission, even though they sucked. He insisted on writing all of their songs, being the only guitar player & using the band entirely as a means of self-promotion.

By this I mean, the band was named after him, their website is named after him & all promotional items regarding the band had his picture on them, conveniently omitting other members.

In the unusual event the band ever had a gig, he didn't even feel the need to ensure the other members were available to play. He believed them to be inconsequential to the whole thing because the important thing was that he was there.

In hindsight, it's a good thing he was such a dickless bitch because if he'd had balls, the combination of self-importance & complete delusion is the kind of stuff that usually creates serial killers.

I knew he was a loser but I'm a really nice person (really). At the time I was young & not nearly as assertive as I am now. It quickly evolved into a pity relationship. Then the bomb dropped: He was using my computer (he was too cheap to buy his own) to post online personals. He was having lengthy conversations via email, chat, etc. on my dime & was so technologically illiterate that he didn't have a clue how to hide it from me. I wasn't even looking, just found it by accident.

The worst part about it wasn't that being a nice person let a total dweeb walk all over me. No, the worst part about it was that not everyone he buddied up to was a chick. He had a thing for very young-looking Asian trannies, bordering on kiddie porn. Eeeeew on so many levels, I can't even put it into words.

Even after I broke it off, we remained friends for a while because I still felt a deep pity. I hadn't yet realized that you can be a bitch when it's warranted & still be a nice young lady. Now I'm older & wiser so I know these things.

It's a doozy, but luckily it's my only crappy boyfriend story which I realize makes me incredibly lucky considering some fo the horror stories my friends tell. My best dating horror story came from a night when I ran into an old friend from high school at a bar. He'd graduated a few years ahead of me & lost touch with a lot of old friends when he went away to college.

All night, I had been deflecting the advances of a persistant character named "Scooter" & thought he'd finally left me alone. As I was chatting with my friend, I didn't notice Scooter skulking around the perimeter of the table. Imagine my horror the next day when I received a call from Scooter, who had slimily eavesdropped & written down my unlisted phone number as I gave it to my friend!

My stories are pretty tame compared to most of those shared. One woman had been exclusively dating her man for almost 5 years when he expressed interest in asking out a coworker. She was flabbergasted & before she could even gather herself enough to speak, he said, "Well, it's not like we're married or really together, right?" FIVE YEARS.

One guy had been dumped by his fiance because she wanted to date more guys before settling down. Imagine his horror (pun intended) when she called him 6 months later out of the blue & asked him for his brother's number!

Most of the stories were about cheating & some of them were secondhand, such as the wife who left her husband & their 3 young kids for her tennis instructor. I thought that only happened on soap operas. I mean, who even has a tennis instructor?

I guess what kept me thinking about this topic was an article I read yesterday about a new book coming out. You know the crazy teacher that went to jail for screwing her 14 year old student? No, not that one, the blond chick that just recently got busted. Her ex-husband has a book coming out & the things he has to say are very strange.

There are seemingly endless stories about how to kill a relationship & uneccessarily hurt people who love you. Some of them are sad but most of them are hilarious once the victim has moved on. Send me stories to post here. Use of real names & details is solely at your discretion. Maybe you'd just like to vent or maybe you hope that this blog will catch on like bird flu & everyone will see the slimeball's story. Send em in!