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I know, I know, I'm the most unreliable blogger ever. Sorry to everyone, especially Ashly. Thank you so much for introducing yourself.

Ashly rocks, you guys will love her. Welcome, Ashly.

This post was pure trash and cabaret

So, last night I proved once again that I am a sucker for train-wreck syndrome and tuned into the latest American Idol audition special. As per usual, the show mostly focused on showing the people who were so terrible that you have to wonder why they would try out for this show. Because no one can be that bad without knowing it in some way.

But what amazed me the most was when a young woman who was in school for opera tried out. In her pre-audition interview she talked about how she would probably lose her scholarship if her school found out she was skipping to audition for A.I., but that she didn’t care, she was taking this chance.

Her audition was, honestly, so-so. She sang two different pop pieces before Randy asked her to sing some opera for them. She begins belting out an opera piece looking far more confident than she did with either of her previous pieces. When she had finished, Simon looks at her and says, “You’ve shown us three different voices, who do you want to be?”

She stutters out “The next American Idol…”

Simon, showing some semblance of humanity, says, “I’m not criticizing you. I’m just saying, you sang three different songs in three different voices. Which of those three people do you want to be? Who are you?”

The girl says, somewhat shyly “I’m a singer and a songwriter…” and then, suddenly, she gets this much bolder look in her eyes and says with emphasis “…and a rock star.”

I never thought I would see the day when Simon Cowell would, so offhandedly, make such a poignant statement.

The number of people that come through those auditions and say “I’m going to win because I’m unique,” while dressed up in some ridiculous costume or playing some ridiculous character (and I know that’s what a lot of them have to be doing. A.I. has become two contests, the drawn out one to find the next Kelly Clarkson, and the short audition round one to find the next William Hung. If you can’t sing it doesn’t matter, you can still attain something not totally unlike fame. And you know what? Considering how much of a joke I think a lot of American Idol is, I don’t totally see an issue with that) is overwhelming. But the number of people who can honestly come in and say, “This is who I am,” and believe it, mean it, and be able to back it up? Is very, very small.

I guess that’s just generally how I feel about humanity, though. People talk about how hard it is to be an individual. This is sort of true, but what’s even harder is actually knowing who you are and being yourself. Dressing, acting, writing, dancing, or even just speaking “uniquely” can achieve being an individual, but if you’re not being yourself what’s the point? Honestly, I think it’s harder to be honest with yourself as to who you are and what you want in life than it is to simply be an individual.

So Simon Cowell actually asked the most difficult question in the world last night. “Who are you?” And amazingly, he actually got a response. A response I could get behind, even.

So, who am I? Well, for now you can think of me as "The New Girl." It's a place to start. It's a pleasure to meet you.

Speaking of Windbags . . .

I know this is kind of behind-the-times but there's been a lot of debate in the local media about controlling the deer population. Some recent letters to the editor in the PG have offered timeless wisdom on hunting & other management methods.

One guy tells us that people are more important than deer so we need to do whatever it takes to protect ourselves. A particularly venomous shrew of a woman decrees one run-in with a deer tick will immediately change the minds of the idiot "do-gooders".

I beg to differ. An encounter with a tick might be gross but it's not particularly painful or life-threatening unless you ignore it for months - or even years - and it just happens to have been an infected tick. Lots of big ifs there. Worst-case scenario for any normal person is a short course of a simple antibiotic such as amoxycillin which is hardly a big deal & only costs about $10 if you don't have insurance.

And by "normal" I mean people who practice even the most basic personal hygeine. I speak from experience when I tell you that you will not miss a tick on your body. Even the most half-assed effort to bathe yourself will reveal them. And local doctors & vets will tell you that Western PA is a relatively unlikely place to encounter any type of tick, especially the kind you need to worry about.

Certainly I don't question the value of human life. However, our wildlife management is not so lacking that we need to be protected from nature. That's freakin ridiculous. Wildlife is usually only a "threat" to us when their habitat has been recently disrupted. I see deer in the heart of the city almost every day, but rarely see roadkill or a wildlife related accident. Why? Because the development is relatively old & everyone has adapted.

But in the suburbs there's a TON of roadkill & lots of accidents. There's also constant development. Wildlife habitat is disappearing daily. Surely, I'm not the only one that sees a connection.

Not to go off on a tangent, but just because a car hits a deer, is it always the deer's fault? Let's be realistic here. People crash into inanimate and/or stationary objects all the time. Is it the telephone pole's fault when you hit it?

Lots of drivers don't pay enough attention: talking on the phone, looking at their kids in the backseat, reading a newspaper, shaving, putting on make-up, intoxication, stupidity or just plain old not a good driver. Sometimes road or whether conditions are simply out of our control & even the best driver can't avoid an accident.

How many people hit deer on suburban roads because they're blinded by some oncoming idiot with high-beams or excessive flourescent headlights? I'd love to see statistics on that. (Note: areas like Shaler & Oakmont do not require high beams. If you think you need them, simply obey the speed limit, know where you are going & shockingly everything will work out ok, dummy.)

All I'm saying is that vehicle-deer collisions are usually noted as unavoidable accidents. They're not always unavoidable but there's no victimized driver to report what you were really doing, so the deer take all the blame.

In short, if you feel threatened by Bambi, buy a house in an established neighborhod instead of building your McMansion on an abandoned farm. Duh. Animals adapt, often much better & more quickly than humans. If you don't like them, stay out of their home & you'll likely avoid them altogether. But if you want to "share" the land, you're going to have be a better neighbor.

I Feel Stabby, Oh So Stabby!

I recently quit smoking & it's just awful. Words can't even describe it. Let's just say that I'm not fit for social interaction right now. I did smoke half of a cigarette yesterday while wearing a patch but then someone caught me & I was shamed into putting it out. This sucks.

Mind Your Own Beeswax!

As a blowhard & blogger, I take great pride in giving the world my unsolicited opinions. The beauty of my system is that nobody has to read the blog & the world doesn't change to accomodate me. Sure there's the occasional tete-a-tete with some wacko (see Mr. Enlightenment on why women should in fact not think for themselves or the more recent comments from "Omar", the guy who insists that I mean the opposite of whatever I say . . . ).

The very self-important just can't accept the fact that their ideas are too stupid or unpopular for practical implementation. So they form groups with likeminded jackasses to bully everyone until they get their way. Such actions can be witnessed on every level of our society, from peer pressure among children to political lobbyists. But when it screws with pop culture, even I'm forced to take a stand.

There's a group called the Parents Television Council. Their entire purpose is to watch television shows of which they do not approve, then harass corporations until said companies refuse to advertise during those shows. All of this time & effort is expended in the name of "protecting" our children.

There are shows & even entire channels just for kids and/or family viewing. Federal regulations dictate what can/can not be said or done on TV. Technology exists that allows parents to block out specific channels & shows. Most significant, there are these people called "parents" who are supposed to pay attention to their kids, interact with the children & ensure that the child's life isn't spent in front of the TV.

In their latest newsletter, they are targeting some of the best shows (Family Guy, Criminal Minds, CSI, Rescue Me & others). Even if you don't watch these shows, would you deny the rest of the world an opportunity to view them merely so that you don't have to be responsible for your own children?

In particular, they're harping on CSI: New York right now. Hello, but that airs at 10 pm in most markets. Why isn't your kid in bed yet? They have successfully chased off big bucks advertisers (Verizon, Clorox, Mazda & many more), convinved the FCC to increase fines tenfold & are challenging license renewals for local stations in large markets such as Houston & Dallas.

They're working diligently to "abolish" violence in video games & "indecency" on the radio, as well. Incidentally, they gave their broadcaster of the year award to the Hallmark channel. And their efforts aren't limited to the major networks, as they're attacking cable channels as well.

In short, their tactics work because people give in just to be rid of the unrelenting harassment. We all have the right to choose such things for ourselves for now but that right is going to disappear quickly if we don't counteract their efforts.

They're going to do to television what ClearChannel has done to radio but it's not going to stop there because ClearChannel radio isn't wholesome enough for them!

Let's inundate them with letters, complaints & harassment until they give in & mind their own business! I'm going to request a list of their financial sponsors & then start a boycott of those who support this censorship. I encourage everyone to do the same. Let's see how they like their own medicine.

I don't know about you but I do not want Ned & Maude Flanders to be the final authority on all of America's entertainment choices. If music, television, movies, video games, free speech or autonomy mean anything to you, please act accordingly.